by: An Anonymous American Observer
I live within minutes of the Canadian border in Upstate New York so I have a lot of experience in how Canadians do their retirement planning and a lot of Canadian retirement planning seems to revolve around traveling the United States and clogging up traffic for hours. I have nothing against Canadians really, well maybe a little, but it always seems amazing to me how Canadian retirees will leave their common sense at home when they are retired in the United States. Here are some rules to help with Canadian retirement planning.
* It’s Called A Line, Stand In It With The Rest Of Us
Canadian retirement planning must be the easiest process in the world that does not involve standing in any lines because when Canadian retirees get to the United States they act like they have never seen a line before. No you cannot get in front of me. Yes you have to get at the back of the line like everyone else. No I do not care that you fought side by side with our US troops in the Korean War.
* It’s The Vertical Pedal On The Left
Canadian retirement planning involves the complete removal of the knowledge of how to drive from the Canadian retiree’s brain. Canadians, as a rule, drive like maniacs because their speed limits are usually 20 to 30 MPH faster than those in America. But when they retire they all of a sudden decide that the scenery in the United States is lovely and they want to drive 20 or 30 MPH below the speed limit to enjoy it. This part of Canadian retirement planning also involves forgetting what a car horn means when every person behind you is laying into their horn because we all want you to move along now.
* Shop In Your Own Malls!
It is impossible to find a parking spot in American malls in border towns because all of the spots are taken up by cars with Canadian license plates on them and a “sexy grandma” bumper sticker. Christmas shopping has become a near international incident in our local malls and if one more Canadian cuts me off in the mall walkway and acts like they never saw me standing there and walking in the same direction then I may escalate that international incident to an act of war. Now that their money is worth a little more than ours I am sure that this will only get worse long before it gets better.